I was really good since my arthroscopic surgery -- I stayed on my crutches while walking the entire week. My PT's - Jared and Noah - said I had to stay on crutches for one week until the synovial fluid in my knee regenerated, which takes takes about a week. I started walking and teaching on Tuesday. While I KNOW I am hypersensitive about each little twinge, tweak and minor catch -- it just seemed like my knee still wasn't right.
Each little weight shift caused my knee to tweak a little. Not pain exactly, but pressure that just makes you stop and hold your breath. All Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I felt like I was on the verge of a major catch. I could literally feel the inside of my knee with every step. While I don't ever let my knee keep moving in a position when it is tweaking, it feels like my kneecap could just crack in two. Very bizarre.
It's been difficult to tell if all of this pressure is due to having surgery a little over a week ago OR because my knee is just messed up and will remain so forever.....
My follow-up with my orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Brown of OA, yielded some unsettling information.
Each little weight shift caused my knee to tweak a little. Not pain exactly, but pressure that just makes you stop and hold your breath. All Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I felt like I was on the verge of a major catch. I could literally feel the inside of my knee with every step. While I don't ever let my knee keep moving in a position when it is tweaking, it feels like my kneecap could just crack in two. Very bizarre.
It's been difficult to tell if all of this pressure is due to having surgery a little over a week ago OR because my knee is just messed up and will remain so forever.....
My follow-up with my orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Brown of OA, yielded some unsettling information.
The microfracture site is indeed failing. I have really cool intra-operative photos that show some jagged, frayed cartilage that Dr. Brown had to scrape away. It's kind of liken a little defect in a piece of wood that you sand away to make smooth. If you don't sand it -- it would will catch your clothing, stab you with splinters or just break off. It's exactly the same inside your knee. It catches, makes me stop and feels like it is going to break away. Dr. Brown carefully sanded it down to make it smoother. However, the cartilage is only about 1-4mm thick normally, so shaving it makes it even thinner. AND it isn't even smooth. There are a LOT of rough edges.
I appear to be depressed. Well....of course I am depressed about this....but I am not depressed with any other part of my life. While I was shocked that Dr. B suggested this, I did take some time to think about if indeed I am. Yes, I was emotional in the office, but I am facing the end of my life as a triathlete. I am facing the end of running for the rest of my life. I am facing the end of anything athletic that requires impact or forceful movements. Geez. So, in thinking about a possible depression I contemplated whether or not the one afflicted is the last one to know? Could I be in denial? I asked my husband. I asked my colleagues. I asked my high school classes. The resounding answer was, "NO!" I'll go with that. While my athletic life is super important to me, it's not the end all-be all of my life. I have tons of stuff that makes me super happy - my family, diy projects, teaching, reading, etc... So, maybe I have selective depression. I can be depressed about a certain compartment of my life and I need to give attention to that depression. I'll take medication before I go into the doctor's office; I will think happy thoughts there; I'll bring a support system. Geez.
Dr. B thinks I need to go to Boston for the consult for an ACI. After counseling me for about 45 minutes and talking about my expectations, hopes and shattered dreams this year -- he thinks I DO need to have an ACI. He even shared that many of his patients that he has referred for ACI have even returned to running. I think my jaw may have dropped when he said this. It was the first tiny little seed of hope I have had in a month. So many times over the past year, I had thought that "this" surgery was going to fix things and I would be able to throw myself back into training. And so many times, I have been profoundly disappointed. I am not going to hold that as my expectation (return to running), but it is my "reach" goal. KInd of like that "reach school" when you are applying to college. I'll be happy to be able to be pain-free and forget that I have had knee problems and absolutely ECSTATIC if I can cross another finish line after a run.
Dr. B suggested I go on a low-carb diet. While the depression comment was shocking, I was blown away by this one. Not that I don't think he has a point -- any extra weight I carry puts additional stress on my knee. But the fact that he was so specific with the type of eating program -- that just threw me. BTW--the only way I seem to lose weight is by eating low-carb. I am very familiar with the science behind it and how it changes your insulin dependency and how you metabolize fat, but I was shocked to hear a doctor actually recommend it. He shared his own story about switching to low-carb last year, the research he did, the medical journals and articles he read and the cardiologists he consulted. He recommended books for me and challenged me to come back in four weeks with some changes. Whoah. He is right. I wish he wasn't. Since all this knee crap began, I am not an endurance athlete anymore. I used to work-out 1-2 hours each day running, swimming and biking which controlled my weight easily. Take those things away -- the pounds DO creep back on. Immediately following the appointment, I drove to Books A Million and bought the New Atkins. Tomorrow: I grocery shop. Tonight: I had my last carb-infested dinner with Texas Roadhouse buttered rolls, BBQ pulled pork and honey mustard drenched salad.
I appear to be depressed. Well....of course I am depressed about this....but I am not depressed with any other part of my life. While I was shocked that Dr. B suggested this, I did take some time to think about if indeed I am. Yes, I was emotional in the office, but I am facing the end of my life as a triathlete. I am facing the end of running for the rest of my life. I am facing the end of anything athletic that requires impact or forceful movements. Geez. So, in thinking about a possible depression I contemplated whether or not the one afflicted is the last one to know? Could I be in denial? I asked my husband. I asked my colleagues. I asked my high school classes. The resounding answer was, "NO!" I'll go with that. While my athletic life is super important to me, it's not the end all-be all of my life. I have tons of stuff that makes me super happy - my family, diy projects, teaching, reading, etc... So, maybe I have selective depression. I can be depressed about a certain compartment of my life and I need to give attention to that depression. I'll take medication before I go into the doctor's office; I will think happy thoughts there; I'll bring a support system. Geez.
Dr. B thinks I need to go to Boston for the consult for an ACI. After counseling me for about 45 minutes and talking about my expectations, hopes and shattered dreams this year -- he thinks I DO need to have an ACI. He even shared that many of his patients that he has referred for ACI have even returned to running. I think my jaw may have dropped when he said this. It was the first tiny little seed of hope I have had in a month. So many times over the past year, I had thought that "this" surgery was going to fix things and I would be able to throw myself back into training. And so many times, I have been profoundly disappointed. I am not going to hold that as my expectation (return to running), but it is my "reach" goal. KInd of like that "reach school" when you are applying to college. I'll be happy to be able to be pain-free and forget that I have had knee problems and absolutely ECSTATIC if I can cross another finish line after a run.
Dr. B suggested I go on a low-carb diet. While the depression comment was shocking, I was blown away by this one. Not that I don't think he has a point -- any extra weight I carry puts additional stress on my knee. But the fact that he was so specific with the type of eating program -- that just threw me. BTW--the only way I seem to lose weight is by eating low-carb. I am very familiar with the science behind it and how it changes your insulin dependency and how you metabolize fat, but I was shocked to hear a doctor actually recommend it. He shared his own story about switching to low-carb last year, the research he did, the medical journals and articles he read and the cardiologists he consulted. He recommended books for me and challenged me to come back in four weeks with some changes. Whoah. He is right. I wish he wasn't. Since all this knee crap began, I am not an endurance athlete anymore. I used to work-out 1-2 hours each day running, swimming and biking which controlled my weight easily. Take those things away -- the pounds DO creep back on. Immediately following the appointment, I drove to Books A Million and bought the New Atkins. Tomorrow: I grocery shop. Tonight: I had my last carb-infested dinner with Texas Roadhouse buttered rolls, BBQ pulled pork and honey mustard drenched salad.
Goodbye old friends. It's time to break up. I am headed to Boston to see if I can get back my finish line......
Miles to go b4 i sleep....
Miles to go b4 i sleep....
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